Are You Asking For Referrals?

Do you have this problem I often see in my clients? You have a goal of building your business through referrals and you have clients who love your work. The problem is that you’re not consistently asking those same clients for referrals.

See if some of these common themes are getting in your way:

“Well let’s see, I want to ask my client for referrals but I’m worried that if I do it while we’re still working together, I’m going to sound too sales-y or too pushy. So I need to wait until we’re through working together. But wait, when we’re done working together, then I feel weird about getting back in touch with them and asking them to refer someone to me.”

Figuring out when to ask is tricky, then how do you ask?

Particularly if you’re someone who’s not comfortable with languaging what you want, then you may be completely at a loss about how to ask for referrals in a way that doesn’t feel sales-y or pushy to either of you.

Asking your colleagues for referrals can also be confusing. How do you ask this in a way that doesn’t feel sales-y? And how do you even know if they’re in touch with any of your ideal clients? That starts to feel confusing.

A final theme that sometimes comes up is related to the kind of work that you do. Some clients state, “Gosh my work is so powerful but it’s really hard to describe, so how can I even describe it in order to ask for referrals?”

If this is sounding like you, if you’ve got clouds of confusion going on around referrals, let me assure you there is a way out of this.

There is an easy step-by-step process that I am looking forward to guiding people just like you through along with my wonderful colleague, Jennifer Zwiebel.
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A Peek Behind the Scenes at Stahl Enterprises!

Ever wonder what a successful coaching business looks like “behind the scenes”?  Each one is different; here’s a look at what makes mine tick.

My team of virtual assistants, in alphabetical order.  I highly recommend each of these ladies.

brittanyBrittany Dunlap. She helps me with my social media presence and speaking gigs. She’s a busy mom with 3 young children, so she understands multi-tasking and late nights on Facebook! She helps solopreneurs and small businesses build their brand on social media: Social Media Done For You:


darceesellersDarcee Sellers. Darcee specializes in InfusionSoft, the system I use for my ezine and email marketing. She also handles my web site needs. She is the “secret weapon” working behind the scenes for many top online business leaders.



RunyonPhoto_MStClair003webcopyMelissa St. Clair. Melissa is my Client Care Manager, helping to bring new clients on board easily, schedule their appointments and handle various administrative tasks. As a military spouse, being virtual allows her to run her business, Paper Chaser, anywhere.



Since we’re working together virtually, all our tools are online.  We rely on:
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Leveraging Your One-on-One Strength in Networking

  • Do you have your biggest impact on people when you’re meeting one on one with them?
  • Is it really easy for you to introduce yourself to someone and immediately strike up a conversation?
  • On the other hand, is it challenging for you to walk into a room full of 50 people that you don’t know and find somebody to talk with?

If all of that matches you, then probably one of your skills is connecting with people one on one.

If this is you, then most likely the more time you spend with someone, the more they get to know you, the more likely that they’re going to end up working with you; that they become your client or your team member or perhaps they become a trusted referral partner for you.

This is a great skill and I want to give you four tips to help you leverage it even more.

First, if you’re not already in a smaller, structured, weekly referral-based networking group, I advise you to get yourself in to one as quickly as possible. This is the kind of group where your skills will really shine. Again, you won’t shine quite so brightly if you’re looking at groups where it’s like 30, 50, 100 people with that sort of cocktail party format where you just have to dive in, start talking to people and sharing your business card. Instead, look for something that’s smaller, that has consistent attendance, that has a structured format and is based on referrals.

BNI or Business Networking International is the most popular or most prevalent group and there are many others. I’m in a group with a similar format called Women in Networking here in North Carolina. We’re a weekly group that is based on sharing referrals and leads, with a structured format, and with attendance requirements. That’s super-comfortable for me.

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Cultivating the Habit of Gratitude to Feel More Peace

Want to elevate your mindset and experience more peace this holiday season?

Wow, is this a time when you can be experiencing a whole spectrum of emotions!

You can go from a Hallmark moment of happiness to thinking: I am going to kill someone in about five minutes!

There’s a huge amount of stress that comes up during the holidays because you’re with a lot of people you may not see very often, everyone has extremely high expectations that may or may not match reality; and you’re doing all your work during an extremely compressed time of the year. That all can lead to a huge amount of stress.

So I want to share a tip today about how to elevate your mindset, no matter what time of year it is, and help you experience more peace during this busy time.
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SMART Goals Are NOT Enough!

Congratulations on caring about goals! That puts you ahead of most of the US population!

I love SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Results-based, Time-bound) goals. AND I know that having a SMART goal is not sufficient for your goal-setting.

Here’s what does NOT work when you set your goals:

1. You pick a goal that feels really abstract and you never connect it to your daily life. “I’d like to make more money; lose 10 lbs; get a boyfriend.” I could go on and on. These goals are a vague word cloud in your head and there’s no connection to your daily life. That doesn’t work.

2. You pick a goal that you feel you should do, or it’s something someone else wants you to do. This might be a goal that your partner, your upline, or your colleagues want. It’s a goal other people are more invested in than you are. Or it’s something that your reference group values, but you don’t really feel attached to that.

3. You choose a goal that you both really want AND you have a significant reservation or concern about. This is trickier to identify, because that reservation or fear or concern is unconscious. This WILL happen when you want to build your business. The analytic part of your brain is totally on board with building your business. And another part of you is concerned: “If I have to be more engaged with my biz at a higher level, what’s going to happen? If I spend a lot of time building my business, will my relationships suffer? Will I run out of time for what’s important to me? Will my health suffer? Am I ever going to have any time off? I already feel overwhelmed, what will happen if I get even busier?”

These are all key examples of reservations or concerns that will keep you from moving forward on your goals.
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How to do Automatic Writing

Article By Guest Expert, Iris Van Ooyen

I regularly receive the question of how people can practice automatic writing, or inspired writing as I prefer to call it.

The concept is pretty simple. It’s a way to access your intuition and bypass your mind. For some people this is a really great way to receive intuitive insights. And the good news is: everyone can do it! It does require some practice and it is good to know what not to do. So here are some tips on how you can start to learn automatic writing.


Go sit somewhere where you will be undisturbed, switch of your email and your phone. This will allow you to focus on the process and not have to re-start the flow and the energy time and again.

Take out a large blank piece of paper, ideally without lines.

Use a pen (not a pencil) and choose a pen that writes effortlessly. With some pens you have to press quite a bit to be able to write with it and we want as little resistance as possible. I prefer fine liners for this.
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Leveraging Your Empathy Strength

Are you able to sense another person’s emotions even before they tell you anything?

Can you pick up on the mood in a room instantly?

If so, then you likely have a strength of Empathy. Learn about the powerful transformation your clients/team members can experience via your Empathy strength, as well as the challenges in adapting to this strength, in today’s video.

The Miracle Is in the Obstacle

Is there a problem in your life? Something big or annoying, that you’ve been wishing and praying would disappear from your life ASAP?girl in pink coat

Maybe you’ve been thinking:

  • If only I were more self-confident then I could really market my work….
  • If only I had more money then I could get the training or support I need…
  • If only the world understood the value of what I have to offer, so I wouldn’t need to market it…

We often hope those kinds of obstacles would just disappear.

Here’s a news flash: The miracle is waiting for you now! And it’s just on the flip side of the obstacle!

How can THAT be?

It’s because the obstacle and the miracle are intimately bound together, like the front and back of a coin.

To reach the miracle, you have to go THROUGH the obstacle. If the obstacle magically disappeared, which is most often what we hope for, so would the miracle.

You can move through the obstacle and find the miracle you so want by creating a change in your perception. I love the phrase Marianne Williamson so often uses in her prayers: “Let me put myself on the altar, that I may be altered.” This means allowing yourself a shift in perspective, where you can create a new way to look at the situation.

Ask yourself: What is the lesson contained in this situation? What do I need to learn?
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Want to go deeper into your strengths?

By now I’ve shared 3 videos with you about increasing your client attraction and increasing your ability to convert prospects into clients; all that in a simple easy way by bringing your strengths into your marketing and selling.

In the last video, on how to bring your strengths into your selling conversation, I shared a simple formula about HOW to describe one of your strengths and connect that to the experience or results your Ideal Client/Team Member will have with you.

Just as I shared in the example, in fact, one of my strengths TRULY is helping women amp up their marketing and increase their client attraction.  The way this has worked for my past clients is

  • One of my direct selling clients tripled her income.
  • A solopreneur client who’s a body worker and coach with an 11-year business attracted more clients and had her best year of income ever!

Since you’re part of my community, I know you’ve got a big goal this year to help more people.  Imagine if we applied my strength, of amping up your marketing and increasing your client attraction, to your business.  How could my strength of helping you increase your marketing and client attraction, support you to achieve your goal?

If you’re ready to connect with more people, increase your client attraction and make more income, then I invite you into a complimentary, no-pressure one-on-one call with me.  On this call, we’ll go deep into your goals, what’s getting in your way, and we’ll explore whether the two of us working together is a good fit, for both of us.  I’m not attached to any outcome on these calls.
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Seal the deal in your selling conversation

This is the third in a multipart video/ezine series about how to bring your strengths into your marketing and selling conversation.   When you do this, you increase your client attraction and you increase your ability to convert prospects into clients.  WIN WIN WIN!

In the first two videos, I shared how to bring your strengths into your marketing and how that makes you more magnetically attractive to your Ideal Client/Team Member.  You can see more about this in videos 1 and 2 of this series.  Watch them here now.

Today, let’s go deeper into the selling process.  How do you bring your strengths into the selling conversation?

IMPORTANT: This only applies when you’re deep in conversation with a prospect.  This is not for someone you just met at a networking group or when you’re feeling someone out to see if you two are a match.

This only applies when you’re deep in the conversation with a prospect that you really want to work with and you feel good about the two of you being a match.   At that point, sharing your strengths can really seal the deal for someone who is your Ideal Client/Team Member.

How do you bring your strengths into that part of the conversation?

One way is to use this simple formula.  I’m giving this to you as a formula to make it easy to understand; please customize this so it’s right for you.

When you’re deep in the selling conversation with your Ideal Client/Team Member; and you see where one of your abilities can help them, you can say:

1.  One of my strengths is helping people do ______ whatever you’re really good at __________ (e.g., One of my strengths is helping people increase their marketing and client attraction; or One of my strengths is helping people find amazing jewelry that’s perfect for them that totally changes their wardrobe.)

2.  Here’s how that has helped previous clients solve this problem with these results.  Then give an example of how this worked for someone in the past.  E.g., My ability to help people with their marketing has helped other past clients go from hardly any clients to filling their practice.

This should be based on your own previous true experience, to show how this has worked for a client/team member in the past.

3.  How do you see that strength supporting you to get your big goal? (customized to their big goal)

PAUSE.  Do not give them the answer.

They’ll be speaking from their heart, so pay attention to their answer!

Let’s put this all together in one example.  When you’re deep in the selling conversation with an Ideal Client/Team Member, and you see where one of your strengths can support them, then you bring that up!

This can sound like:

One of my strengths is helping people amp up their marketing and increase their client attraction.  The way this has worked for my past clients is they’ve gone from a few clients to filling their practice.  I know you’ve got a big goal this year of doubling your number of clients.  How do you see my strength of helping you increase your marketing, supporting you to achieve your goal? PAUSE.

You won’t use this formulation with every single strength you have; you’ll pick and choose the strength that seems relevant with this particular prospect.

Sharing your strengths in your selling conversations is a quick and easy way to amp up your selling conversation and immediately increase the possibility that this perfect prospect will work with you!


1.  Script this out!  Before you try this in a conversation with a prospect, take a few minutes to identify your top strengths and then write out a couple examples of client results that your strengths have helped your clients obtain.

2. Next, put them into the formula I outline above.

3. Read these out loud.  Do you feel 100% authentic while saying this out loud?  If not, tweak the language until it’s perfect for you.  Just make sure your client results are still sounding strong in here – this is not the time or place to minimize your impact!

4.  Have this script with you during your next conversation with a prospect.  You’ll probably need a little help remembering this.  You don’t need to read it word for word, just having it with you or glancing at it will help you.

If your selling conversations with your Ideal Client/Team Members feel daunting, or if your conversion of prospects to clients/team member is under 50%, then I invite you to schedule a complimentary Success Strategy Session with me.  In this private one-on-one call, we’ll go deeper into what’s not working, what your goals are, and how coaching might support you in achieving bigger success sooner.  Simply email me at and we’ll easily schedule your call.