4 Sentences That Lead to WISDOM

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July 3, 2013
Vol. IV, Issue 6

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Hi,

Today’s ezine article is about the power of words to reveal our vulnerability and show other people that we are human. I know that many women in my community are perfectionists, which makes it hard to reveal our human imperfection. Others are over-givers, who love helping people to the point that it interferes with their own priorities. For over-givers, it’s really hard to ask for help and to receive it.

I call myself a “recovering perfectionist.” My feeling is that, much like someone who gave up drinking, recovery is one day at a time. Perfectionism is not something I feel like I’m cured of.

When I was in my 20s, I was in a relationship with someone who heard me say “I’m wrong” maybe twice during 15 years! He joked that I couldn’t actually finish the word “wrong” – I’d just get stuck on “wrrrrr” and couldn’t go any further.

My inability to say “I’m wrong” didn’t help that relationship. I felt defensive and I’m sure he felt misunderstood and defensive in turn.
Releasing my perfectionism has been a long journey that still continues. Today’s article is a great reminder that I need to say “I’m wrong” more often .
What do YOU need to say more often to someone important in your life? Keep reading!

Dedicated to your expansion,

Marcy

7/18-7/26 – I’ll be in Manhattan attending a Master Class and my Mastermind meeting with my coach.

Coming in late July – I’m teaching a Money Mindset Master Class. Do you feel like you never have quite enough money? That money is hard to get or maybe hard to hold onto? Join me to go deeper into where your feelings come from and how to feel at peace with your money. More to follow!

Four Sentences that Lead to Wisdom

I’m reading “Bury Your Dead” by mystery writer Louise Penny. Her delightful main character is Armand Gamache, the chief homicide investigator in Quebec. He’s thoughtful, sensitive, and very aware of other people’s thoughts, words and actions. During his first week on the job as a homicide investigator, the Chief Inspector calls him into the office and tells him “the four sentences that lead to wisdom.” p. 170

The Chief Inspector, Gamache’s mentor, says them only once. Gamache never forgets them. He shares them with every one of his agents.

What are these 4 powerful sentences that lead to

WISDOM?

“I’m sorry. I was wrong. I need help. I don’t know.”   p. 170

1. What’s your reaction to each statement?

If you are a perfectionist or like to be the “giver” in relationship, you might feel a strong negative reaction to these statements, along the lines of: “My team can’t realize that I don’t know everything; they’ll lose faith in my abilities!” “I’m the boss/wife/mother; I have to be right!” “I can’t ask for help; I’m the person who OFFERS help!” “If I say I’m sorry, does that mean they think I’m responsible for what happened?”

2. How often do you say any of these 4 statements right now? The less often you say them, the more likely that the people in relationship with you: your customers, team members, friends and family, are feeling FRUSTRATED!

When you DON’T use these statements as often as you need to, your business growth suffers.

If you’re a perfectionist, all your energy goes into looking “right”, vs. taking action and making the inevitable mistakes along the way. You’re losing momentum. You may also come across as remote or unapproachable to other people who could become your prospects or allies.

If you’re a “giver”, your desire to help others may have gotten so dominant that you stopped asking for or accepting help quite awhile ago. That means your relationships are very one-sided. You have all the answers and all the help, while you give no opportunity for anyone else to participate in providing answers or help.

In contrast, what do these 4 statements have in common? They show that the speaker is imperfect, vulnerable AND willing to be seen as imperfect and vulnerable.

And that’s why they lead to wisdom.

FYI - everyone already knows that you are human and imperfect. How do they know this, when you’ve been trying so hard not to show it?! Because you are human and that by definition means you are imperfect. Nobody got the perfect juice; we all received the gift of imperfection.

When you reveal to others what they already know, when you show them that you are vulnerable, people love this! Why?

Making yourself vulnerable deepens intimacy.   When you are in ANY relationship: professional, best friend, or romantic, and you’re trying to come off as perfect and invulnerable, your relationship partner is not going to feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of you, because you are never vulnerable in front of them. Your relationships cannot go deeper until you get vulnerable first.   When you get open up and vulnerable, then your relationship partner will get vulnerable and open up in return.

When you use these 4 sentences, you shift the power dynamic. You move from being in charge to being equal.

Here’s how the power dynamic works. If you are the person who always gives advice; who always helps other people; who is always perfect; who always has the right book/quote/information to share, then you most likely do not ask for or receive that same kind of help/information very well.

That means you always the upper hand in your relationships. You’re the person with the answers; the other person is the needy one. They need help; you give it. They need support; you don’t.   They ask questions; you give answers. Do you see the imbalance that creates when it happens consistently over time?

When it comes to you and your team members, does it help your relationship with them or hurt it if you are ALWAYS the person with the power?

When it comes to you and your customers, how do they feel if you are always right?

When it comes to you and your partner, does it help your relationship or hurt it if you are ALWAYS the person with the power? How do they feel if only you are allowed to the “right” one?

When it comes to you and your kids, does it support or hinder their growth if you are never vulnerable or wrong in front of them?

The change is very simple. Start saying these sentences DAILY, as appropriate to the situation. You’ll deepen your relationships, reduce your stress, and increase the satisfaction of your relationship partners (professional, romantic or friends and family).

CALL TO ACTION

How much energy do you have to exert every day, to maintain a façade of perfection and all-knowingness? How much stress does that give you?

Do you find it nearly impossible to ask for help? Even when you can use the extra help, is it hard to accept? Do you feel compelled to explain why this is a special circumstance and you don’t normally need help?

Do you feel really uncomfortable when someone else has the answers that you don’t have?

Has your partner never heard you say “I’m wrong”?

If this is you, then you’re probably a perfectionist or a giver who has gone a bit too far in your efforts to do things well or help people.

It’s time for help.

To build your business BEYOND where it is NOW, you’ll need different practical strategies as well different attitudes and beliefs. I specialize in helping women direct sellers and entrepreneurs with BOTH the practical and the mindset elements.

My mission is to help you enjoy MORE CLIENTS, MORE FUN and MORE MONEY!

I invite you to email me at success@marcystahl.com to explore the possibilities of collaborating together. My goal is to make sure you take the right next step for you;
I am never attached to the outcome you choose.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete description with it:

Marcy Stahl motivates women entrepreneurs to move from having only a trickle of clients to an abundant full flow of more clients, more money, and more decision-making power. If you're ready to empower yourself AND boost your business, if you want to share YOUR passion with more people, schedule your free 45-minute Marcy Stahl Success Solutions Session by clicking here http://www.marcystahl.com/contact-marcy.html

Marcy Stahl is an entrepreneur whose purpose in life is helping women entrepreneurs achieve world domination, by earning more money and creating more decision-making power. Because the world will only be a better place when more women are in charge!

She effectively guides her clients to move from struggle and lack, to abundance and ease, by creating effective systems and marketing strategies. She uses this same powerful success system to help direct sales consultants improve their recruiting and leadership skills.

To learn more about her services, visit http://www.marcystahl.com/contact-marcy.html and sign up for your free 30-minute Marcy Stahl Success Strategy Session (and get great free resources, too!)

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